Permanent Soma Holiday

you're the line in the sand when i go too far

2007-12-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

the weather's a slutbag today. was planning to head outside and see the sun for the first time ever since i left singapore, and to get a few more history books to pack a punch (or not) for my history assignments. but no, it just had to rain, not like cats and dogs, but enough to dampen the mood and keep myself under house arrest again. house arrest sans everything disturbia, which SUCKS, because disturbia makes house arrest sound like a fine idea of punishment.

caught the green mile yesterday. awesome.

you're the falling star, you're the get away car

2007-12-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

extremely exhausted. stoked to be home, nonetheless. admired my buyings, which are really nothing kickass or anywhere along that line. so far, i've got lots of spongebob merch, courtesy of macy's, a bag with the prints of marvel comic superheroes, snacks and candies. oh yeah, and gifts for ~~everyone~~ people who deserved it.

seriously, man. i cannot wait for this stinking holiday to be over. having been out everyday for the past week, staying home today is like being sentenced to house arrest. a boring one, at that because i don't have twinkies to build a twinkie tower. nor do i have hersheys to mix it with peanut butter, which sucks really because they rock so much they beat corndogs, hands down. and too bad, robert turner doesn't live next door.

see, aftermath of watching disturbia on repeat. anyway, i cannot be bothered with my clothes anymore. fashion is so daft and shallow. well the only reason i bought Vanity Fair was because shia was in it. and the december issue of US Comospolitan has shia as well. seriously, cannot wait for the release of Indiana Jones 4 and Eagle Eye.

everything

2007-12-03T03:09:00.000-08:00

jet-lagged but not home. yet.

right now i just want to go home to a pool of chilli vat and swim in it like a moron. even if things are at a mindfuck rate right now. it makes me feel badass.

labeouf is still my homeboy, no doubt. stayed up one of the nights and went through all, if not most, of the movies that my homie starred in. surf's up was cute as hell. personal favourite(s) being transformers and disturbia. seriously. not just that, he fucked his education by the time he was 10 and he still managed to clinch that kickass entrance into yale, which, might i add, he placed on hold. that slutbag. a lovely one, though.

can't wait for school to reopen. jet-lag's mindscrewing me up, even throwing in a foul mouth for me. can't wait for the holidays to be over and get back into education disturbia.

won't go home without you

2007-12-01T20:05:00.000-08:00

taipei was awesome and the locals were extremely friendly. the shopping, however, was nothing great, partly because clothes from the winter collection was on sale and it would totally insane to wear winter clothes in singapore. i managed to nab a spongebob bag, nonetheless. quite satisfied with that buy, really.

transits in frankfurt and ny before reaching boston. extremely jet-lagged. anywho, yale destroyed my shoe so we had to shop for one. guess what, i got an onitsuka tiger, though it wasn't the brown one that i saw shia wearing on the set of disturbia. nonetheless, my point is i got a tiger!

toured havard. i am inspired to study hard now but that's kinda early to say because i've got close to a year to prepare for the As. quite certain i'll falter at some points in between. oh well, heck it. ONWARDS TO WORKING HARD. oh, and i also decided that i'll kill to get into any of the ivies (though it's quite impossible but hey, impossible is nothing), so tut-tut, onwards to complete my history homework.

a little piece of heaven

2007-11-25T05:52:00.001-08:00

and the long-awaited vacation is actually going to take place tomorrow. for once, i've forgotten how awesome it is going to be, sipping hot latte in the cold november wind/rain, re-enacting the movie The Terminal in my own way, and cruising down the world's most valued universities in a yellow porsche. of course, and many many more.

to jumpstart the enjoyment, i bought Avenged Sevenfold's self-titled album today (comes with a bonus DVD as well!). one word for it - sex. good thing the cashier at HMV decided that i looked 18 and processed my purchase without asking for ID. anyway, my point is...A7X did it, once again! no prize for guessing why they're my favourite band.

so...i'm kinda hoping that Boston has cd stores that doesn't practise exploitation like HMV.

and i'll leave you through behind me

2007-11-21T05:56:00.000-08:00

class outing today at vivo was extremely fun, somewhere along the lines of hurwitz imitating little kids licking the chilly bar of the mrt, zhenyang lepaking on the floor of F21, natalie, kelly, cheetos and i trying on countless trenchcoats and winter suits and buying none, and of course, celebrating nat's birthday at carl's jr!

anywho, i didn't get to collect my passport today because of some screw-ups. made me feel really stupid and that's all the world needs to know because i don't like to feel stupid. neither do i think myself as one with low intelligence. gawks. so the plan is to collect it tomorrow, as usual, like a procrastinator.

my mom is having yet another one of her pms-tic days. the wonders of hormones, oh joy.

wandering through fiction to find the truth

2007-11-19T08:09:00.000-08:00

today marked my last day at work! hallelujah! jac paid me on the spot too, that's like, icing on the cake. anyway, while working today, in other words, stoning and pretending to stone them customers in my head, linkin park's what i've done was spinning on the radio. snap snap, the first thing that came into my head was transformers. then my phone received a message from nat and i saw the wallpaper on my phone - shia! it's like an unspoken connection or something. very very very cool. i see myself as his next girlfriend.

oh wait...i already am. smirks excessively.

anyway, passport collection at ica tomorrow and my document of identification finally has a decent photo of myself. i've either looked like a maid or boy or just plain shitty in my old identifications. SO SO SO, i really cannot wait to fly off on monday! whoopee! class outing tomorrow as well! that's like, icing on the cake, pardon the repetition but in lit, repetition is equivalent to significance. or something along those lines!

even marvel comics cannot illustrate the kind of elation i'm undergoing.

and i've got you, you're under my skin

2007-11-17T04:12:00.000-08:00

yet another day without work. don't get me wrong, i'm enjoying it. i spent today watching transformers and disturbia on repeat without complaining. hello, it's shia. after which, i continued reading captain america and ultimate marvel. brilliant. waaaayyy brilliant.

alright so, i kinda wished i was living in some suburbs and then on a workless day like this, i'll neighbour watch like kale did in disturbia. but no, i HAD to reside in a puny hdb where my neighbours hardly show any skin, let alone movement.

onwards to brighter things, i cannot wait for the 26th.

more than meets the eye

2007-11-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

i got my pay in full today, joy to the world. not much but enough to satisfy. so, in a desperate attempt to be thrifty and to put some aid into the B. Franklin Funds meant to fund my history books, i chucked 450 into the bank, leaving the rest for own leisure spending. by that, i really meant for it to last me like...a span of a month?

guess what, i blew it all today. i bought a pair of stilettoes that i liked but it killed my feet after 5 seconds of walking. i watched a Beowulf with shaun, impulsive act on us both, it wasn't even worth the 9.50 i paid. blew 10 bucks on dinner that didn't kick ass. most of all, i bombed 67 buckaroos on DVDs - disturbia and transformers. i thought the DVDs were a good buy, i mean, look at me, the only DVDs i own and they have shia in it! supportive girlfriend, yes?

the comfort in these is that the special features that the DVDs had to offer were way beyond awesome. it's nice knowing that my childhood hadn't been wasted watching 16 colour Optimus Prime fight Megatron. make that black and white because my family was too poor to afford a decent tv. ours was a vintage set that had antennas, no remote and ran on black and white.

it's nice to have moved on to bigger things. so i am really glad to be flying to boston this november. i figured out the sadness in splurging, the dire consequences of doing so. what's done is done, what would yang do? let it go, move on to bigger things. so...fuck whatever impulsive buying today, i don't care anymore. over it, so...moving on...

screw it all. when i get my first car, i want it to be a chevrolet camaro in yellow. or a pontiac solstice.

stop dancing, we lost the rhythm

2007-11-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

i cannot wait for thursday because thursday is payday, my long overdue payday. neither can i wait for tomorrow because i'll be seeing my homies tomorrow! YAHOO!

i have to get my fingernails french-manicured, buy shoes (think Aldo), buy clothes, buy books and go on a holiday. i cannot wait!

que sera sera

2007-11-12T07:31:00.000-08:00

okay okay okay, nat returns from melbourne tomorrow and i am beyond happy. me without nat is like amanda tanen without marc st james, meredith grey without sex, and britney spears with good parenting habits. anyway, my point is...i miss nat very very very much. i so happen to be getting my pay soon and yes, this calls for witching hour, i need new pumps. seriously.

well, i've said it once, i've said it twice, i've said it a thousand times but i absofreakinglutely cannot wait for the 26th. i cannot wait to fly out of this country, get out of the bitches' faces, indulge in retail therapy that doesn't necessarily cost a bomb, fatten myself up with genuinely edible food, take a tour around athens of america and JUST RELAX. think about it, no more to the following: hanging of wildly strewn clothes, picking up after rude customers, talking to customers who never reply, stressing over a $400 daily sales target, listening to girls whine about their stick-thin figure, and definitely a GOODBYE to serving all them undeserving manbearpigs of the nation.

look at that, so much angst. today jac came and while we were chatting, she told me she thinks i'm different from other singaporean girls. damn right. imagine the state yang would go into if somebody told her she was as good as everyone else, i.e. sydney heron. a cardiac arrest, most definitely.

lips of deceit

2007-11-09T06:33:00.000-08:00

jac happens to be selling one of the bitch shirts that says "i don't need a man" and i saw it. how true. sadly, the shirt that everyone buys are the one that is between the lines of boyfriends equals ATM machines or supermodel here. sad, sad, but over it. the world isn't worth grieving over. not everyone is my chimichanga that's worth binging over.

anywho, diane told me she dropped 6kg in a mere 2weeks. low on the carbs, heavy breakfast, light lunch, super light dinner or drop it, no snacking and that includes biscuits and chocolates. tempting, so diet starts tomorrow, as usual. a really feeble and desperate attempt at trying to a couple of dress size and jean size. so...i will be needing a lot of mental strength from tomorrow on because this is gonna be one hell of a ride, on condition that i adhere to it.

then again, it might backfire on me since i'm flying to taipei, and that screams junk food. i read on TIME a while ago that massachusetts is one of the healthiest states. lo and behold! boston IS in massachusetts so, maybe the diet might not backfire after all. it's all in the mind and watching what i eat.

my point, however, is that i ABSOLUTELY cannot wait to fly off.

under the hottest night in july

2007-11-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

okay i'm really glad that at 17, i've been to many countries and for once, i really know stuff. like, know know. so i'm more than happy to be flying to taipei on the 26th, having heard that taipei is quite a safe place, unlike shanghai where we nearly became victims of pickpocketing had my sister not turn around at the right moment. oh yes, i heard, too, that you can get birks at 60 in taiwan and extremely good bargains. AND FOOD. thank goodness it's winter over at the other side of the world, time to take them furry booties out. as much as they are retarded, they are cute and i like them. brown furry booties. not to mention, room raiders in laur's place up north usa. i'm visioning...countless boho style restaurants, fast food joints, trenchcoat and knee-high boots (fashion statement since forever), ic e cream at night (in winter, fo sho), lots of american sitcoms and lots of whatevers.

please let 26th november onwards be awesome!

after all, you're my wonderwall

2007-11-06T08:38:00.000-08:00

i'll be flying on the 26th this month! don't know when i'll be back but i'm guessing the later the better, i deserved this break after months of studying and watching the world's most undeserving potato sacks throw clothes into my face. bee-yotch! anyway, i'll be going away to taipei with my family and then leaving them, homebound for boston (technically it's not my home but it's close to jersey, so!) and then back to singapore. this is gonna be one trip that i'll jet lag the most because i have to transit everywhere. hint, frankfurt, jfk.

this is where behavior issues step in. of course, the usual darlings who had been nice to me and stayed by my side yadda yadda yadda, goodies await! i am certain i don't have to state the obvious, the rest of the world deserves nothing more than a cosh on the head by a deranged old woman. seriously!

counting down to the 26th!

i know it's hurting you but it's killing me

2007-11-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

hah, gone is dark and twisty frank. new and arrived (though not so new), bright and shiny frank. improved in 10 shades of evil. yang's replica, i'm not complaining. i love grey's anatomy, i think i might go borrow the textbook despite it having nothing to do with the show. but hey, the spirit of learning, that's something yang would do.

something yang wouldn't do is to work in bugis, serving people, listening to their whines about high prices or whatever. so i am quitting! a good start, i'll say, to enjoy my holidays and yes, holiday homework. no better way to put it than the yang way - no mountain high enough.

and quoting yang..."i am the best person to do it and it would be unfair to let people put their lives into less talented hands", on her views regarding surgeries. that woman to me is like donald trump to business.

a free upgrade to snakes on a plane

2007-11-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

Disturbia tomorrow. it's amazing how i can finally host a party, invite friends and everything without fearing that nobody will come. i mean, even invitees whom i hardly know, had confirmed their attendance. truth be told, i'm not worrying. about anything. except, maybe that food may not be enough. hahaha. but that is a good kind of worry.

the kind of friends i have now are fabulous. it is the kind of friendship where you can tell them anything and nobody will be judgemental. the kind where you have a loaf of foccacia that 2 of you brought but you left it with her, knowing that she will leave a bit of it for you. the kind where you burst out laughing at rocko's modern life, at the most sadistic parts. the kind where there is an unspoken connection, you know where to find them, as they know for you. the kind where they show up at your workplace without telling you and staying with you. the kind who knows what food you take and don't take. the kind who ticks your name against the attendance even if you're not present. the kind who teases your obsessive compulsive pet peeves on purpose, all in the good name of fun.

i actually wish i can see my friends everyday. i actually wished we shared the same residence even though i'm not a people person. secretly, i wished there was no holiday so i can be back in school.

built to whatever

2007-10-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

i hope i get the job at ferragamo. i hope the interview tomorrow will go well and that they will hire me. please please please.

jac's couture is turning me into a monster.

crash into me

2007-10-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

okay it is scary because today marks the first day of A Levels. in a year, it would be my turn and i better start getting addicted to homework, hardcore revision and books (though i'm already addicted to this) before i struggle, stumble and fall.

i admit i do love history from the bottom of my heart, but for A Levels '08, let (bad) history not repeat itself.

no intelligent debates today, not ever, or not like it ever found its way here. yale and i spent last night discussing the various surgeries a person should go through for whatever he is suffering from. this is a good sign because for someone with an intelligence like that, me being able to converse with him without sounding like a martian ought to earn me a nobel prize. for whatever.

then again, i = yang. yang = strong women. nobody shall be my knight in shining whatever.

and i'll, i'll never let you find me

2007-10-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

of all times, the modem had to file for divorce with my laptop and now i'm stuck on my sister's turtle speed computer. oral presentation tomorrow and i still have so many things to touch up on. oh yes, and groundbreaker 101 to read up on to answer whatever questions they may ask tomorrow.

a level chinese today and it was attemptable though i really liked the comprehension stories as well as the cloze passage story. our chief invigilator wore bright red boxer shorts which was exposed to the entire hall when he turned around and bent down. we called it the ang pao boxers.

anywho, the usual - work sucks. i'm quitting soon and hopefully, getting a new job elsewhere where i'm not surrounded by parrots or bitches.

i kiss you and nobody needs to know

2007-10-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

everyone is obsessed with rubik's cube lately and i wonder why. like, 13 years ago my aunt jumbled up the cube, gave it to me to see how i'm going to solve cube. seeing that i'm only 4, nobody expected me to solve in record time. somehow, after a few twisting and turning of the cube, i, according to my aunt's anecdotes, "got extremely fed up, plucked the stickers out of the cube and sticking them back in". i was stopped by my aunt who declared that i certainly had a different approach and thinking. according to her, i would thus go far in life.

i've scrapped through promos with a B, C and a handful of Ds, currently working at bugis. somehow, the quote "you would thus go far in life" didn't seem very true. if working at bugis is far, or scrapping through promos is far, then i guess stupidity is almost synonymous to genius.

weapons in the form of words

2007-10-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

i hate work. as much as i hated working at acecrest previously, i rather work there because i had company there. most of all, i had fun there underneath all the suckiness. i'm going to march up to jac and tell her i'm quitting. only i can't do so because she's overseas and i'll have to wait till she get her ass back here before i march up. or i'll just do so via sms.

work today was really boring and i hate how people just ignore me when i tell them stuff about the clothes they are interested in. oh wow, it must be damn difficult to listen to me say one line about the dress or the shirt. humour me with something else, please. the boredom kills me, the bitchiness of the aunties next door kills me, the food kills me, the customers kill me, the fact that i have to meet a $100 target everyday just. murders. me. right. on. the. spot.

i said so many f word today just because of the job.

he tasted like you, only sweeter

2007-10-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

i really think that maybe i shouldn't work after all cause it's time-consuming, it's boring, it deprives me of family time, it's lousy, it's low-paying and it's all things bad. but then i think of the history books and i'm like...persevere even though i would rather slack at home. be a couch potato or something.

anyway, the sweetest thing today. huang dropped by and gave me cupcakes. banana and walnut. i thought i would oozed into a puddle of nothing on the floor but no, yang-stance said he's not the one who would achieve As for me and therefore, i took it and gobbled it up like i have all the rights to. but i did have the rights to. they are for me!

i really dislike working and would rather study for the rest of my life, seriously. i hated working for acecrest but au contraire, i rather work there now than work the current job. at least at acecrest i have people, like real living people, to talk to.

ain't nobody love you like i love you

2007-10-23T03:51:00.000-07:00

today we had to write our names on a sheet of paper and pass it to everyone in the class so that they can write nice and heartening comments about you. many people told boon and edmund to quit smoking, which was really funny. boon, in turn, thanked me for helping him do his chinese paper during promos, cheet's comment had harry potter allusions, nat's comment referred to me as gungho and defending girls against smelly boys, elvin's comment had addressed me as "abang", edmund's one thanked me for telling him not to pon, hurwitz blatantly wrote "franky-wanky" there, kj said i was the hippiest girl in class, edson the perv said behind the tough side i'm quite sweet, robyn said she's gonna miss me after J2 and kelly said i am one of a kind, in all honesty, responsible, hardworking, always so happy and an awesome friend.

maybe a year ago, these all might have just been a dream, or a terrible nightmare, whichever you prefer, since i wasn't exactly the most welcomed person in school.

anyway, no school till jan 2nd, except for 3 days where we have to come back for PW and A Level Chinese. so i've found a holiday job. i thought it would be a brilliant idea to work, scrimp and save and understand the meaning of my parents' favourite "money is very hard to earn!!!", though it is more like a scheme to work, scrimp and save for my history books. i've decided against taking H3 though, the idea of research is boring! boring would be an understatement. made a mental note to self to save up a lot of money so i can go lust after history books.

i thought my parents should be proud of me since i've worked hard this year and made tremendous improvement but they never know about anything so i shall start slow. by first making some money and proving to them that i do, really, love studying. no joke. seriously.

the more i don't want him appearing in my life, the more he does. i admit i still, shamelessly, stare at him everytime i see him (doesn't help that yesterday we tangoed), but no, that doesn't mean anything. that doesn't mean i like him. maybe i do, but seriously, he's not my knight in shining whatever. yang stance says that he is not going to be the one who will help me get my As. for this, he proved himself useless in my life. i will be the one who can help myself. therefore i am. seriously.

the pupil in denial

2007-10-19T22:33:00.000-07:00

i have nothing much to announce except that i really hate PW, it's taking away majority of my life. and yes, as much as it is hard to believe seeing that i'm in a JC, which screams...NO LIFE!, i do have a life, albeit a really pathetic one, one that really revolves around hardcore gaming on ps2, watching dvds over and over, movie remakes in my dream and snacking. sup, i am the 21st century couch potato and there's absolutely nothing one can do to change this really depressing fact.

so, yesterday was gf's birthday and the primary school clique had an outing to celebrate her blessed 17th. nothing extraordinary though the people were, as usual, fabulous. we had supper at pepper lunch, followed by our mandatory trip to millenia's candy empire and lastly, shaun's chilling out at gloria jean's where we had cheesecake, mud cake and chocolate cake. sugar rush or otherwise, brandon started to zsa people, no idea what it meant but it stemmed from the name of an old friend. then came the sad part where shaun is considering entering yale and wj tells us about how her seniors are all considering university options in ivy league and such, but then again, she's from hwa chong. no surprise?

to end this on a really happy note, i'm addicted to anatomy and physiology.

futuresex/lovesounds

2007-10-16T04:56:00.000-07:00

the good news is, i think i'm more or less promoted, seeing that i've passed everything. everything, except maths. the big fat ugly U just had to ruin the otherwise fairly pretty passes. heck, i am so super glad i passed econs! the killer econs! the one paper that i worried so hard for, i thought i needed a bypass! but phew, all's well, all's well. okay, still need to see how i've fared for unseen in order to decide whether i've subpassed or passed lit. from there, i can then decide whether i'm promoted or not. according to zhenyang's calculations, i need at least 10 marks from unseen to pass, to which kelly and robyn claim, "SURE CAN ONE!". let's hope so!

i didn't tell my parents, though. i'm kinda picturing the kind of response they will have towards this. i told laur about my econs, nonetheless. both of us were very pleased, seeing that she helped me with econs to a really large extent and i managed to score a C for the paper itself! the paper that only 30% passed! yay us!

the downside, i've 3 cuts on my feet that makes it unbearable to even walk around! saddening because there's training tomorrow and i'm kind of looking forward to it!

another winter day has come and gone away

2007-10-15T05:48:00.000-07:00

was supposed to head over to huang's for gaming session, specifically gta san andreas. but nope, decided to withdraw.

anyway, i don't want to be dark and twisted frankie anymore. i want to be bright and shiny frankie. i told nat if i got promoted, i'm so making yang my new hermione granger. on top of that, be bright and shiny. not dark and twisted. bright and shiny, bright and shiny! then again, i shouldn't get too bright and shiny now because tomorrow is judgement day, the day where we get to know whether we are promoted or retained and there is a high chance i might be...and if i am, i cannot be bright and shiny.

GOD, PLEASE LET ME GET PROMOTED!

i'm lucky i know, but i wanna go home

2007-10-14T02:05:00.001-07:00

michael buble complements anatomy and physiology very well. nonetheless, very nostalgic seeing that it was mcyale who sent it over. puns and hidden meanings, whatever. seriously. notwithstanding, home by michael buble is awesome and all of you should listen.

my stash box is overflowing with snacks, the lid just cannot close tightly anymore. there goes. screw the diet. i'm much better off feeling sad about getting retained and gorging to that few seconds of comfort, as well as getting drunk and be in an alcohol-induced temporary amnesia.

good times.

living the trailer in chehalis park

2007-10-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

i had fun studying about gastric bypass. that should be the highlight of today.

i hope i have more highlights of the day because by tuesday, when all results will be officially released, i may not have anymore highlights of the day to harp about. i may not even have a reason to breathe!

lay your armour down

2007-10-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

i passed history. i could have gotten a far better grade, had my mid years not pulled me down. i hate worrying for promos. the bad news is that only 30% of the cohort passed econs. the good news is there may be supp papers and that's not even good news.

somehow, a part of me thinks i'll be retained fo sho. another reckon i can be saved. but can i?

lover i don't have to love

2007-10-09T01:17:00.000-07:00

commitment-phobic, maybe i'm just like yang. the really sad thing is, yang graduated first in her class from stanford and i'm probably one of the last in class and it push me very much to tears to say that i may not graduate at all. har har. not amusing at all!

got commended this afternoon during history in the lecture theatre and it wasn't expected at all. partly because i'm ordinary, with mediocre grades and an average life. my mom seemed to have given up the moment i closed the door labelled "medicine" in my life. life had been depressing lately. i'm trying to compensate by learning medicine from a med student, hoping to secretly please her and myself. ultimately the question is...what's the point? she helped me close the door to being a gepper. i don't think i should or even bothered to get even.

i need to promote. perhaps, as an outlet to show that i'm anything but ordinary? that is, if i even is. (infinite sad faces go here)

why don't you slide?

2007-10-08T04:10:00.000-07:00

yesternight i learnt sutures and cerebral aneurysms. tonight i'm going to learn cardiac arrest. it just occurred to be that medicine is very very very demanding but very very very interesting. just like history, a very demanding but rewarding discipline.

i just don't understand why people feel that i've thrown 10 years of education away the moment i've chosen arts over science. i did have a choice, i just preferred arts over science since i was really good in languages and humanities but only good in biology and pretty much a failure in physics and chemistry. i extremely hate the way people look at me like i'm into arts because i couldn't make it anywhere else, anywhere better...like science. besides, it's not logical pursuing one subject that i'm good in and failing the other 2 that i suck in. i rather pursue humanities and arts, the ones that i'm better at on the whole, and earning a higher chance of excelling. i have 1001 more reasons to argue my case but you get the idea.

i HAD a choice. i MADE my choice. i LOVE my choice. i could make it to that supposed better somewhere else. i just didn't. who's to say i'm not good enough. nobody shall fuel my insecurities, nobody shall tell me how good or bad i am, nobody shall tell me i'm not good enough.

nobody shall tell me that i cannot. never.

from the couch to counters in my kitchen

2007-10-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

work had been uneventful.

fuck is a rude word. fuck is also a convenient and suitable word to describe how work was like today. moreover, fuck aptly portrays the amount of unhappiness and unrest inside me. i don't comprehend why my mother has so much to say about me and the things i do when i hardly give two hoots about her beeswax. it all started with...nothing! wow! amazing!

fucking lame.

gossip girl episode 2, 3, 4 and 5 with laur back to back. lo and behold, serene van der woodsen, returning from her sudden departure to boarding school, comes back and saying she wants to "get out of high school and into college where nobody knows me and i get start new" and the past is "something i've been trying to change, can you let me forget them?". in truth, the former quote sounded 100% like me during pre and post o levels period. the latter was the exact thing that went through my head yesterday. if not, most of the time. otherwise, one of the reasons why cj is my school now.

i just lack a rich mom, a deranged brother, a suite in new york palace hotel, good looks, good figure, and oh yes, most importantly, a bombastic bank account!

fuck them socialites.

permanent soma holiday

2007-10-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

end of promos. officially. yay! yahoo! wahey!

then you think all my McWorries are over. McHellno, the greatest worry is probably being kept in the dark of my/our own fate(s).

i think i shall go to ikea tomorrow and buy some storage boxes to clear the tornado aftermath condition that my room is in currently. either my obsessive compulsive self hates to see the unaligned state my stuff is in or that i'm finally finally finally, to my mom's major relief, bothered to reside in proper living conditions now.

who i am makes who i've been

2007-10-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

just when i thought i won't be getting any of the McTrauma soon, guess what! i woke up in the morning, McShivering, McConstipated and am still experiencing all these McWhatever with McBonepains. infinite sad faces go here because if i don't recover by tomorrow, i cannot sit for McMaths paper in optimum health.

then again, that shouldn't be an excuse to do badly for McMaths because optimum health or shabby health, i'll still fail it. McFuck.

i feel like a junkie deprived of drugs.

like antennas to heaven

2007-10-02T02:41:00.000-07:00

for the past few days, i've been evaluating the amount of emotional trauma [i know it's exaggerated, but still!] i had gone through since McFan and McYale and Mcwhoever. okay, i never want to have anything to do with all these McShit anymore, so McGETOUT!

but then anna sui came in through mail today courtesy of McYale. you think i'll falter to my material wants and welcome McYale back but no! i'm keeping my McDoor shut tightly to his McFace.

now now, that should do. i should not be experiencing anymore McTrauma anytime soon.

a day late

2007-09-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

today was extremely unproductive and was spent in an all american style - tv, snacks, couch potato.

cristina yang "is always excited", "she has difficulties conveying her feelings and dislikes being touched by anyone", "cristina values logic and practical thinking above emotional reasoning", and that yang is "commitment-phobic". huang thinks i'm very much like yang after we watched the first 12 episodes of season 3 grey's anatomy, courtesy of nat.

cut, suture, close. today had been extremely dead and unproductive. i feel dead. zombified. either i should never take holidays or i should never stop studying. by that, i'm not including maths because we just aren't compatible. i'll fail it even if i've deciphered my thousand year series.

either that. or i'm just, like yang.

lying on an empty bed, sleeping with the tv on

2007-09-28T07:39:00.001-07:00

showed up for NE 15minutes late and had the first 14 questions forgone. gonna fail it, fo sho. if they retain us because up the fact that we failed NE then...zomg LAME. not amused.

went to nat's place and shopped at parkway. tried out countless clothes but bought none because we're saving it for MONDAY! disliked shopping in general, attributed to the fact that 90% of singapore's shopping places are CROWDED like, human mountain human seas [direct translate into chinese please]. but today is one of the rare days. parkway happened to be very much sparse in human capacity! YAY! as usual, i ended up buying no clothes but all snacks. from marks and spencer, my favourite.

anyway, nat and i are hosting Disturbia, a party. 3rd nov at nat's hunt. please await invitations!

black horse and the cherry tree

2007-09-27T03:26:00.000-07:00

today is a fairly uneventful day except that we had econs paper, followed by chinese paper, to which i panicked frantically because i had forgotten to bring my calculator. solution came shortly after with fanny lending me his. not exactly the best start but oh well, satiatable, not complaining.

chinese was pretty much funny. got a really ignorant and, for the lack of better vocab, blur invigilator, so edmund was poking and disturbing kelly who was sitting in front of him. either karma is working on kelly's side or edmund is just...unfortunate, his phone got confiscated because he was using it during exams. yes, wtf?! boon was the best. he turned around and blatantly asked me for the answers, to which i blatantly gave him. kelly and edmund stand witnesses. yeah, edmund copied mine off my papers. best chinese exam ever. scratch that, BEST EXAM EVER!

okay, i've spilt most of my rantings to nat, cheet and kelly [amen to you girls, fo sho] but gaaaaahhhh, why why why why why do i always falter! it gets sickening but today, it is ESPECIALLY annoying. to top it off, it was raining cat, dogs, kittens, monkeys, alcohol whatever, i was on the top deck of 23, window seat, lightning and thunder all over, my iPod had to, i repeat, had to keep spinning songs like Angels, Swear It Again, Other Side Of The World, 23, Universe + U, when i left it on shuffle. before i finally reach my stop, Bruised But Not Broken was playing. talk about emo.

fyi, bruised but not broken goes like this, "and i'll be alright, and i'll love again. these wounds will mend, i'm bruised but not broken" and one part of the song goes, "been a lot of tear-stained nights, i thought the tears were here for life, baby. the tears came on and held on tight, took a chance and took a fall. love broke my heart and shattered my dreams. but i won't be down on my knees. cause i'll rise above it. and i'll pick myself up and i'll shake the rain out of my heart."

i know, freaky iPod. on a really light tone, major papers are over! VIVA LA FREEDOM!

i don't want a piece of you, i want two.

2007-09-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

history down, and lit paper 1 down.

highlight of the day goes to lauren and her army of Transformers. she had been firing missiles from starscream right into my face and transformed jazz, optimus and bumblebee for the gazillionth time. for the first time in my life, i really want to tear jazz into two the way megatron did. oh, did i mention her megatron goes "MEGATRON!" in a deep, gruffy voice when the button on its back is pressed? very cool. we tried to remix it by pressing it several times consecutively and making it go "M-M-M-M-M-MEGATRON!"

i love my boyfriend LaBeouf, whose show The Greatest Game Ever Played, is on Starworld now. to prove my undying groupie love to Beefboy, ONWARDS SHOW. econs can wait.

i tried to be like grace kelly

2007-09-23T00:19:00.000-07:00

hungover.

more drunk these days than i had ever been for the past 17 years of my life. shameless, to be sober just a day before promos!

i swear i'm not addicted to alcohol. it's addicted to me.

cry me a river, a little louder.

2007-09-22T01:24:00.000-07:00

yeah, cry me a river. monday is like, the day after tomorrow and i've yet to finish my history syllabus. promos make o levels seem so unimportant and trivialised, i wonder why i even bothered studying, albeit minimally, for o levels.

hello huang. hug.

on soma holiday

2007-09-21T07:04:00.001-07:00

i really cannot be bothered. to do what, i have absolutely no idea.

anyway, i was just lamenting to cheet on the fact that my previous school [no desire to mention the name but you know] just massacred the gep in me, the most valued aspect of myself being killed right out of me like that. moving on, i had so much reagan, bush and gorbachev stuffed into my head today i wonder why it did not explode. i just realised what i cannot be bothered to do: write my post in big bombastic words. i am just not capable of being bothered. clearly, passing o levels was by god's grace or really super tyco. for now, i can only pray for the best for promos. yeeeeeech.

on a lighter note: Size 8 isn't fat!